Are you someone who has a beard? Do you think shaving your facial hair is a slap in the face to Mother Nateture for giving you a great gift? Well this is the job for you! Make up to $12,000 a year! Full benefits, including an on-site first aid kit with dental floss in it!
Job Requirements:
Master's degree or equivalent
4 years experience retail
Must have 7 years worth of facial hair growth
Must be clean shaven
12 years experience as a heart surgeon
Excellent at being bossed around
Able to communicate effectively without ever standing up for yourself
No problem cleaning toilets with your own personal toothbrush
Is okay with the office nickname "Doofy" or "Dumbass"
Responsibilities:
- Answering phone calls from angry, entitled people
- Creating job openings on our site that has minimum 60 questions, 45 of which will already be answered in the applicant's resume
- Getting slapped in the face by each tenured employee minimum 20 times daily
- Taste-testing poison
- Helping the CEO wipe in the bathroom with the tie you are wearing that day
- Donating a gallon of blood daily
Send your resume, along with a cover letter, head shot, memoir, letter to Santa, and the shirt that you are currently wearing to the closest trash can. If you seem like a good fit, we'll consider reaching out to you!
If this job interests you, you're who we are looking for! Waste your time applying today!
Commentaires