Bobby Lomper has been shaving his face every day for the last 12 years. It's become such a part of his routine that he claims he's never skipped a day. A man who so boastfully acknowledges his own consistencies like that is, not surprisingly, the same type of person to do "quirky" and "different" celebrations for major holidays.
For Christmas 2020, Lomper, 28, has chosen to treat his conifer the way he treats himself, by removing every needle on it.
"It's the Golden Rule, really," Lomper said. "Since I firmly believe I look better like this
than the way nature intended me to look, I assumed my tree would feel the same way.
So, I shaved it, right down to the bark."
Lomper goes on to say his actions and motives are the true spirit of Christmas. He believes his empathetic actions toward the tree is something that Santa Claus wouldn't understand. Lomper thinks the jolly northerner with the legendary white mane has never cared about the feelings of plants.
"One of the most important things is to keep the tree alive as long as possible. You see,
they need the needles for photosynthesis and sh*t," he said. "That's why I like to think
that when it does die, it's desperately craving the one thing it wants most. It's really just
a statement on consumerism and how I don't have any friends."
To keep the furless fir in the same shoes as its captor, Bobby also empties a can of Axe Body Spray onto it every morning. His apartment is "hard to breathe, easy to smell" as he puts it. There's no telling if this will become a yearly tradition for Lomper, or if 2020 will hold the one and only clean-shaven Christmas tree.
No matter how you decide to celebrate the holidays, there's only one way to ring in the new year. NHBO's #LubricationOfTheNation 2021 Calendar
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